Posted by HP on February 28, 2008 at 13:09:20:
An ancient Ape (once upon a time)
Disliked exceedingly to climb.
And so he picked himself a tree
and said, "NOW THIS BELONGS TO ME"
"I have a hunch that monks are mutts
and I can make them gather nuts
and bring the bulk of them to me
by claiming title to this tree."
He took a green leaf and a reed, and
drew himself a Title Deed.
Proclaiming pompously and low,
"All monkeys by these presence know"
Next morning when the monkeys came
to gather nuts, he made his claim.
"All monkeys climbing on this tree
must bring their gathered nuts to me.
Cracking the same in equal shares, the
meats are mine, the shells are theirs.
"But by what right?" they cried, amazed,
thinking the ape was surely crazed.
"By this!" he answered, "If you will read,
you'll see this is a Title Deed."
"Drawn in precise and legal shape,
and witnessed by a fellow ape, exactly
on that wonderous plan, used by that
clever creature, Man.
From London, Toyko, and New York,
Glen Garry, Kalamazoo, and Cork,
if this Deed is not recognised, it
proves you quite uncivilized.
"But" said one momk, "you'll quite agree
it wasn't you who made that tree!"
"Nor," said the ape, serene and bland,
"Does any owner make his land. Yet all
its hereditaments are his, and figure in
his rents!"
The puzzled monkeys sat about, they
couldn't make the question out.
For according to precedent and law,
the ape's procedure showed no flaw.
And yet, no matter what he said,
the stomach still denied the head.
Up spoke one sprightly monkey then:
"Monkeys are Monkeys and Men are Men.
The ape should try his legal capers
on Men who respect his papers.
"We don't know Deeds, We do know nuts.
And spite of ifs,and ands, and buts
we know who gathers and unmeats them,
By monkey practice always eats them."
So tell your apes and all his flunkies
No man-tricks can be played on monkeys.
Apes still climb to get their food, since
monkey minds are crass and crude.
While monkeys (all so ill-advised)
still eat their nuts uncivillized.